Trying to just be me is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do. I mean, I am always me but I am trying to be me without worrying about what others think of it and that is the part that is hard for me. I am always trying to make sure everyone is comfortable around me and doing what they want to do and that they support everything I do. I need to realize that not everyone is going to agree with everything I do and that I cannot make everyone happy. That is a sure way to make myself miserable which is exactly what I do.
I finally decided to go talk to a counselor about how I have been feeling. There is at least one day each week where I could just stay in bed and cry and not do anything all day. This has been going on for months. I am good at making myself get up and do what I need to do but the joy in things is not there. My counselor recommended that I start taking a anti-depressant. I meet with my regular doctor later this week so he can prescribe one for me.
I am nervous. I don’t like taking medication but if she thinks it will help I will do it. I am starting to feel like I am missing out on things because I am not happy enough to fully enjoy them. We will see how it goes and I will try to write hear so I can keep track of my journey and possibly get support from others.