I think I may have gone a little far in my first post about finding my spirituality. The last few months have been rough and I think I just had a crazy moment in my head that ended up in print and on my blog. I am not going to take it down nor apologize for it. I think it did me good to write it and to put it out there. I do think that after thinking about it a little longer that my views on this are still changing and that I think I need to get rid of some anger I hold from back in the day regarding religions as a whole (especially the Catholic church of my youth) and realize that not each church is the same even if they are of the same religion.
What prompted my first post as the fact that my family and I just started going to a Lutheran church that is across the street from our house. We are active in our community association and the Pastor from the church comes to many of community meetings and events and we really like him. The church is also close to what I grew up with so it is familiar and they have Children’s Church during the service so my daughter can go and do her thing. She loves it too! I like the church. Everyone is very nice, the Pastor is great and does nice sermons. What went wrong was that we thought about joining and I freaked out. I feel like I am just not that strong of a believer yet to join. Then I felt like a fraud for even going to church at all and then the first post regarding my spirituality came out of my mouth and ended up on my blog.
The more I think about it the more I realize I am not a fraud. I can have my reservations about what I feel but still go to church. Not everyone agrees with everything their church believes in. I just don’t see how that could be possible. I believe in the underlying principles our Pastor speaks about which is being a good person and acting as God would have wanted us to. I just have a lot of trouble in my mind with taking the Bible literally. The fact of the matter is, is that I don’t have to take it literally.
I pray to God often. Almost everyday in fact. I pray the most when I am running. I pray most often that I am very thankful to be alive after having had a very bad case of pneumonia and being in the ICU with it for almost 3 weeks about two years ago. I pray to God that I am very thankful to be able to run again and that I am very thankful to be allowed a little more time to see my precious daughter grow. I pray when I hear an ambulance that the person they are helping will be alright.
I may not know how I feel about the literal translation of the Bible and what God, the Father, and the Holy Spirit really are but I do believe that there is something and I pray to what ever it is. I will continue going to church and I will continue on my spiritual journey.