life · spirituality

Finding MY Balance in Spirituality

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I have been having issues lately with my spirituality and what I believe.  A lot of it has to do with my being pressured to get my daughter involved in a church because it will be “good for her.”  I believe that it could be good for her depending on the church but I feel weird about it in a way too because I really don’t subscribe to the beliefs of a religion myself and neither does my husband.

Some background on me…

I was raised going to Catholic church.  My dad was Catholic but my mom was not.  I went to Sunday school and Bible study through high school but decided not to go through with confirmation even though I had gone through first communion and confession and all that stuff.  I just didn’t feel like I wanted to be confirmed into the church.  It just didn’t feel right to me I guess.  I don’t know how else to explain it. Part of this feeling grew out of the fact that my mom was married before she met my dad and since she was divorced, the Catholic church would not recognize my mom and dad as being married so they were not allowed to take communion or become true members of the church unless my mom went back and got her marriage annulled and they went through classes and got re-married again through the Catholic church.  Man made rules that I do not agree with that at all.  If that had been me in that situation, I would not have attended the church.  My views are most surely formed around religion based on these early experiences. I see a lot of man made rules that are not based solely in any religious book and that do not help make anyone more powerful or happy besides the church itself.  I do not feel that that is what spirituality is or should be.  It should be something that makes a person more powerful and happy themselves and more able to do good in the world.

With that said, I look at spirituality as less religion (believing in God, the Father and the Holy Spirit and all that) and more being a good person with good morals and ethics and treating people as you want to be treated.  There are plenty of people that go to church each week after having a week full of hate and evilness but leave church feeling that God or Jesus has “forgiven” them and that they are now “saved” because they confessed all of their evil doings and asked for forgiveness.  Then they go back out into the world and the cycle repeats over and over again.  They may have religion but they do not have spirituality.  I want spirituality, not religion and man made rules.  I just want to be the best person I can be without the expectation to believe in a specific being such as God or Jesus or Budda or what ever and believing that I have to be “saved” by something or else I will go to a “hell” when I die.

What I really believe in is nature and its forces.  I believe that everything happens for a reason but that only the earth knows that the reason is.  I don’t believe in the literal translation of the Bible and I don’t believe that you have to believe in Jesus and be saved or else you are going to “hell”.  I refuse to believe also that if you are gay (for example) that you are going to hell like many different Christian churches believe.  Why would being gay make you such a bad person that you deserve to go to hell?  That is ridiculous and it makes me doubt the Bible and religion as a whole.

From this moment forward I will no longer stress out over my views on religion nor will I feel bad for feeling the way I feel.  I strive hard everyday to help people and to be a good person and stressing over this has made me a not nice person.  I am feeling guilty over something where there is nothing to feel guilty about.  No more!  Tomorrow is a new day and I will not feel guilty over my views on life and religion and spirituality.

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